I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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