You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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