That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
