Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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