he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
