I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
