Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
