In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
