Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.