She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
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Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
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so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.