dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
