You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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