Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
please come you make the beer taste better
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Randomize
