My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
