Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
So squirting runs in the family.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
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