I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
