Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS