Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
This house was built for laser tag.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies