Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.