Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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