That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one