How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
