:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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