i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
