I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
