I don't usually arrange sex via text message
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
