she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
