My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
