I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
My liver just broke up with me...
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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