I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
