Have you finally orgasmed yet?
hell yes lets make some ravioli
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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