I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
