question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
