His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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