If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I am mentally ready for anal.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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