I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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