what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
