if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
