i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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