Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I look excited, but its just a facade.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
