U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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