We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
