either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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