he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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