Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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