Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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