i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
