I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
it's like iHOP with fire
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
pray to the hookup gods
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