im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
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He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
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You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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