I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
