Who wears a wallet chain?!
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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