I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
