i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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