When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
