i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
