dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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