Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
