Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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