What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
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she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
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I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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