it was like his penis was on wheels.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
