C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Randomize
