Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
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