This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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