I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
