Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
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and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
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I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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