My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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