I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
