somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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