yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
