she woke up with a sticky ear
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
