Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
